Commenced: 02.11.2000

Completed: 22.11.2000

Disclaimer: You know the drill... I don't own them!

Rating: PG

Category: Angst/R... H&M shipper.

Spoilers: Boomerang probably.

Summary: Angry words said, as chances slip away. Mac's POV.

Authors notes: Yep, me again! <g> After I posted the first of the Last Minute Confession stories, I was requested by so many to write a sequel to it from Mac's POV. If there are mistakes, please forgive me, but I think poor Bridget needs a rest from beta reading my work!! <g>

So, for those who dared to ask, here it is.

The lyrics are from the song 'Everywhere you go' by Taxiride.

~*~*~*~

I've been sitting out in my car for ten minutes. Well 10 minutes and 45 seconds to be exact. Not that anyone is counting. Except for me of course, but I don't have any say in the matter.

There's no light in his window, but I guess that doesn't mean anything. Bud and Harriet phoned me earlier. They were certain he was home, despite the fact the lights were off.

My mind creeps back to this afternoon.

I think of all the things I could have done to prevent it. Namely walked back out of there the second after I walked in.

~*~

We were supposed to be having some lunch together. I doesn't happen very often these days, but I got a message from him at the last minute, telling me he couldn't make it. Not a problem, I thought. Harm was pretty busy these days, so I went and had lunch with all my other best friends.

Yeah, by myself.

When I got back, he was in his office. I stood in the doorway and he motioned to me to enter. He was on the phone. It must have been Renee, I thought. I don't know if it was for my benefit, but the way he was talking to her... It really riled me, and I don't know why. I decided, two can play at this game. I told him what I thought when he hung the phone up. I asked him if his comments to her were for my benefit. Well... he just stared at me to begin with. Then he asked me why *his* conversation would be for *my* benefit?

And he didn't call me Mac, he called me Colonel.

I reminded him, that he *knew* I couldn't stand Renee. I can't believe I said it so bluntly. I usually keep my feelings fairly well in check. I must have been angry.

Then he told me that his feelings on 'Bugme', as he liked to call Mic, were pretty well known around the office as well. He said after all the things Mic had done lately... he asked me if I still wanted to marry him.

I told him yes, that it was none of his business, and I had plans to move the ring to the other hand.

He just glared at me.

I remember saying, 'is there a problem with that Commander?'

Then he virtually spat at me the only problem seemed to be, that my brain had gone MIA.

I couldn't *believe* after all he had been through, he could use the term so flippantly.

But I was already on the counter attack, I told him it was better my brain than my heart being MIA like *his* had been for years!

That one hurt him.

But I hadn't finished.

I decided on a parting blow.

I headed for the door and told him there was nothing he could do to stop me.

He kept at me as I walked out to the bullpen. I didn't think he would, after my last remark. But I should have known. Really, Harm doesn't go down without a fight. Before I knew what was happening, he had his arms around me and was kissing me! In the middle of the bullpen. Actually it wasn't until he had stopped and then walked away that I truly realized where I was.

My God, what a kiss!

I just stood there watching is retreating form as the Admiral bellowed at him, without response.

~*~

I look up at his window and smile as I remember the kiss. If I had known he could kiss like that, I would have made him angry years ago!

Well... probably not. Perhaps this happened at the right time? Anyway, it wasn't over after he walked out. I was left standing there. Everyone, absolutely *everyone*, had seen him kiss me like that.

Even the Admiral it turned out.

~*~

He had bellowed at me. 'Colonel Mackenzie, my office NOW!'

'Aye Aye Sir' I had stammered. I mean what else *could* I say? No sir, I'm sorry... there's this JAG lawyer I have to run after and jump in the car park? That I couldn't go to his office at that point in time because I didn't think my legs would carry me that far - they had turned to Jell-O? No... none of them were likely responses, so I followed him to his office.

He slammed the door shut and strode to his desk.

'Out with it' he had barked, like he always did.

I told him Harm and I had been discussing a case. He interrupted me. At ease he told me before continuing. He said our *discussion* was louder than Hiroshima when they dropped the bomb. He knew a slinging match when he heard one.

He was right. It was a slinging match. One of the worst I can think of. He then added that it didn't sound like any case *he* knew we were working on.

No Sir, was all I could think to say. I was at a loss for words. I think he finally realized that. His face took on that parental 'what am I going to do' looks.

Then, well *then* he wanted to know about the incident in the bullpen. I'm sure he saw it, but I wasn't going to tell him if he didn't. "Sir?" I had asked, hoping there was just enough of a questioning tone, indicating I wasn't sure what he was talking about.

"The kiss Colonel - the kiss?"

Yes, he had seen it.

Damn!

I told him I wasn't sure what it was about. That I was as surprised as anyone. And I know there were plenty of *anyone's* out there who saw it too. Well, I wasn't lying. Not at first. What the hell was Harm thinking? Then it dawned on me. I told him there was nothing he could do to stop me.

And that was his answer.

*That's* what he decided to do!

The Admiral sat down at his desk. He was rubbing his forehead with his fingers. The Admiral with a headache was not going to be pretty.

I was preparing for a tirade.

I expected it.

But he repeated my words - quietly and deliberately.

"You're not sure what it was about? Well... perhaps Colonel it's time you found out. Sure as hell *we* all know."

I saw something in his eyes. He knew. He knew how I felt about Harm, even though for so long I had tried to convince myself I was imagining my feelings. I felt relieved that he knew. For the first time in my life, I let myself acknowledge what I knew too. And he was virtually telling me to go for it. To let my dreams become reality. All that worry about him disapproving if we... Oh god, I hope I haven't blown this. Harm... he looked so...

I know it's going to be okay. I drew myself to attention and asked permission to be excused for the rest of the day.

He nodded and excused me from his office.

I felt like I was 10 years old again. I nearly skipped out of the office.

~*~

One of the local patrol cars drives past me, slowly. It must look a bit strange me just sitting out here. But really, if I was going to rob someone, I doubt I would be in a 'vette. Perhaps they think I have stolen it? No matter, they're gone again.

~*~

I knew I couldn't go to see Harm before I had squared everything with Mic. I had to tell him first.

Mic had smiled when he saw me at first. Said something about it being an unexpected pleasure. Hell I felt sick. But it had to be done. I couldn't lead him on any longer. He was a nice guy, it wasn't fair.

I had lived too many lies before.

I should have rehearsed something in the car going to see him. But I was in a bit of a daze. I don't know how I even got to his office. I don't remember any traffic signals along the way - I hope I stopped on the red ones?

All I can remember is part of a song on the radio, and how well it fits the way I feel about Harm.

## You say you've got a lot of good reasons,

I know I told a lot of good lies now,

I could lose everything for you ##

It was *so* true.

Harm never said he didn't want me. Just not at that point in time. I ran, I ran right into Mic's arms. I didn't tell Mic I loved him. Not directly. I just avoided telling Mic that I didn't. And I know I am risking my position at JAG to be with Harm. But it's one risk in my life that I am prepared to take.

## Everywhere you go,

I'll come running,

Everywhere you go,

I will bring you round ##

And I know that I would follow Harm to the end of the earth if that's what it took.

~*~

I didn't know what to say to Mic.

But before I have a chance to say anything, he surprised me. He shook his head, and told me he had been waiting for this. How could he have known? He looked so dejected. He'd said he had seen it coming. I didn't need to say anything. Apparently the look on my face said it all.

I pulled the ring from my finger and placed it on the desk between us. I tried to speak. I tried to tell him the old line that it wasn't him it was me. And it *was* true. He put his hand up to stop me. He said I didn't need to explain. He told me Harm loved me and that I loved him. I smiled weakly. I should have given Mic more credit than I had. I pleaded with him to believe me that nothing had happened between Harm and I. He said he knew that. But he also knew something was about to. That was why I was there. He says he admired my integrity to set things right before I moved on.

Hell I wish he hadn't been so damn nice about it.

If he'd yelled, I think I would have felt better.

We said our good-byes, and I made a hasty retreat from his office. There was nothing left to say.

~*~

The patrol car is back. This must look suspect. Oh well, now or never. I get out of the car and lock it. I hear the patrol car drive by as I head for Harm's door.

Up the stairs. Will that elevator ever work? I still don't know what I am going to say to him. What can I say after this afternoon?

I stop at his door. I can hear music. At least I know he's home. I knock firmly and wait.

No response.

I knock again, for longer and harder if possible.

Still no response.

What is his problem? I mean, I know he's in there. Okay, plan B I guess. I still have a key. I don't know why, but I never returned it after he came back from his grand adventure. It was like this key was still a piece of him. And I wanted to hold on to it for as long as I could.

I unlock the door. His eyes meet mine through the darkness.

He looks so lost.

Like a child lost in the playground.

"Hi" is all I can think to say.

He picks up the remote and turns the stereo off. Now there is darkness *and* silence.

He mumbles a hello, he's half wasted.

I ask him if I can come in.

He won't let me put on the light, so I close the door and wander over to his window to open the blind. I dodge all the bottle caps on the way. One solitary cap is in the sink. Looks like he's been playing baskets with them and the sink. It's a game I remember well. I think about picking up all the caps on the floor and dumping them in the sink. Telling him I've scored a few baskets from the rebounds. But perhaps *rebound* isn't an appropriate word at the moment.

The street light illuminates the room. I turn and look at him.

He looks awful.

The pain in those eyes.

What on earth is wrong?

I'm here aren't I?

Isn't this what he wanted?

Oh no, please don't tell me I was wrong?

He's looking at my hand. Oh no... my *bare* hand. He knows the ring is gone, and he hasn't noticed that it is completely gone, not just moved.

He thinks I've done it. He thinks I've accepted Mic's proposal.

He's sitting on the floor, leaning back against the sofa. I wonder if he started there or whether it was a natural progression with each bottle he drank?

I make my way to the sofa, having to dodge his legs, empty and full bottles of beer in the process, before I can sit down.

He's avoided looking at me. I sit down, my leg touching his arm. He almost pulls away from me.

Silly man I think. After what he did today... and he thinks I could say yes to Mic?

I look down at him and smile as I ruffle my hand through his hair.

He looks up at me with those sad eyes.

I smile as I hold up my other hand, the one he couldn't see.

The confusion is written all over his face, and then the realization.

"I guess there *was* something you could do about it," I smile.