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Fallout By Jaye Reid Written: May 8, 2002 Rating: PG13 Spoilers: Season 1, 2 & 3. Post - 'Enemies, Foreign & Domestic' Category: Angst!! Josh/Donna Disclaimer: Not mine can't afford them. They are the property of the brilliant Aaron Sorkin and controlled by WB. Summary: Sparks fly when world issues come too close to home. Authors notes: This is a stand alone and there's no sequel. Not sure where this angsty little piece came from, it feels like forever since I have written this genre. I haven't seen the episode that was the motivation for it, just read every spoiler posted relating to it on the net. Thanks as always to Bridget for beta reading. ~*~*~ He paced and tried breathing slowly. What could she be thinking? Was it too early to alert someone? What if... The process of leaning with his back against a wall failed dismally over an hour ago. But strangely the tightness around his heart released at the sound of her laugh coming from down the hallway. How could she be laughing when he'd been... He stormed into the hall. "Where the *hell* have you been!" She stopped, surprised at his pointed outburst. "Excuse me Josh?" "Where the fuck have you been!" The people in the bullpen stared wide-eyed for a brief moment at the language that blustered from the Deputy Chief of Staff's mouth, before deciding that they were extremely busy or had somewhere else they wanted to be. For Donna's part, she stood stone still, mouth gaping. "My office!" For a moment she debated whether to just tell him to shove his job up his ass. How dare he use that tone and language towards her! Who the hell did he think he was? But other forces working within her put one foot in front of the other and she soon found herself standing in Josh's office. The sound of the door slamming almost off its hinges behind her brought her mind back in focus. "How dare you!" she growled between clenched teeth. "How dare you talk to me like that out in the middle of the office, Josh!" "I'm your boss and I can damn well talk to you any way I want!" he blustered. He didn't know why he was angry, he just was. Less than five minutes ago, anger was the last thing he felt towards Donna, so he wasn't sure where it was coming from. It just was. "Like hell you can. If you think that..." Donna started, but the door flew open and Leo was now standing in the doorway. "What the hell is going on!" "Leo... nothing, I..." "Word travels at warp speed around here Josh. You just said what to Donna? You'd better have something good here or I'm gonna kick your ass for weeks over the way you spoke to Donna out there." "Leo, it's okay, Josh was..." "No Donna, don't defend him." "Josh?" "Josh? Are you..." "I gotta get out of here," he stammered suddenly. "What?" bristled Leo. But Donna had seen that look before. "Outside?" she asked. He nodded and rushed past them. "I've just got to, I need air..." "What the hell?" quizzed Leo, but he blanched when he saw the sudden paleness in Donna's face. "Is this a... a thing? What the hell brought this on?" sighed Leo. "I was late back?" Donna shrugged. "I bumped into Sam on the way back from the Mall at lunch and he asked if I could help him with taking some files to the Hill. I didn't think... I wasn't going to be gone long... I just didn't think to phone him... his schedule was clear. I didn't think he'd notice I wasn't here." "Guess what, I think he noticed," Leo grumbled, shaking his head. "Leo, I have to go, I think I know where he is... so if it's okay with you I'll..." "Go. If his schedule is fairly lightweight today, clear the rest of it. He's no use to any of us when he's like this," Leo replied. "Leo, this isn't going to effect... he told me you said as long as *you* were..." Leo smiled and patted her arm. "You're a good girl Donna. After everything you still defend him to the end. I don't know what he ever did to deserve your blind loyalty." "He told me to answer his phone and then handed me his own ID badge. Then he brought me here," she replied. "So, Josh... his job..." "It still stands Donna. While I'm here, he's here. And I guess while he's here, so are you?" "Yes." "Go find him Donna. Figure this out. If you can't, let me know, and I'll call someone in who can help him figure this out." ~*~ Donna strode purposefully down the hallway that led to one of the many outdoor lawn areas. She stopped in front of a doorway, wondering where to start, when a Secret Service agent caught her attention. "You're looking for Mr Lyman, Ms Moss?" he asked as casually as protocol would allow. "Yes," she smiled back. "You didn't happen to see..." He indicated the doorway she was standing near and she nodded her thanks. She wandered around in the sunshine, unable to see him anywhere. She thought the agent might have been mistaken when she caught a reflection of light. It was from the band of his watch. At first she panicked to see him on the ground, but she realized from the way he was laying on his back, his arms crossed over his face that there was nothing wrong with him. Well at least not physically. He moved his arms away from his face and squinted up at her as her shadow crossed him. "I swore at you." "Yeah, I noticed that," she replied calmly. "I'm sorry Donna, I don't know what or why or..." he began, his eyes now tightly squeezed closed again, with one arm back to resting across his eyes. Donna shook her head and sat down on the grass beside him. "What brought this on, Josh? What happened while I was away?" she asked. "You were late," was all he offered. "Josh, I was helping Sam take some files up to the Hill. He had two boxes of them, and he was struggling by himself. It wasn't going to take long so I didn't think I needed to phone. Your schedule was clear, you didn't need me for anything," she offered. "I just needed... I needed..." "What did you need Josh, what?" "I needed to know you were alright. And I... and I..." he puffed. "Hey Josh... come on, I'm here, I'm okay... just breathe okay," she said softly as he leant forward and began rubbing a hand on his chest. "They didn't fix this lung of yours to be used as decoration... come on, breathe for me." "You're the only reason I *do* breathe Donna." She let a small smile escape her lips. "Come on, don't talk for a bit, just relax," she continued softly. "But I..." he began and shocking both of them, a pitiful sob escaped from his throat. "Josh... Josh... oh my God Josh, what is going on?" she said quietly, moving in closer so she sat resting herself against his side as she continued to circle his chest with her hand. "You... you were late," he said, trying to breathe slowly, fighting the dark feelings rising from within. "You weren't going to be gone long... I tried your cell, but it's plugged into the charger on your desk. I didn't know where you were. You... you could... I couldn't... I didn't know where... CJ's getting serious death threats... you were the one to raise the alarm... you were the one who knew this was serious... CJ's got a service detail... and you weren't going to be gone long... you were going to be back and I didn't know where you were... and I was... I was..." "Scared?" she asked softly. "Terrified." "What if... what if... Donna I was with the President that night... I was surrounded by people and Secret Service were everywhere... but they got me... they got the President... You were out there alone and I didn't know where you were. You were meant to be back long ago..." "Josh I'm okay... I'm here. Nothing happened," she replied evenly. "Nothing happened." "But..." "Josh, you can't wrap me in cotton wool and lock me away." "Why not?" he asked, and a faint smile began to form. It was a sign to Donna that Josh was beginning to return from wherever it was he had disappeared to. She didn't answer, she just sat and continued to calm him. After a few minutes, Josh put both hands up and rubbed his forehead and eyes before opening them and looking up at Donna. "Hello," she smiled. "Hello," he said sheepishly. "Look, I'm really sorry about before, I... it was unforgivable." "Yet by some chance you have been forgiven. Do you... would you like me to call Stanley for you? Maybe..." He brought a hand down to cover hers, stopping the movement. "No... it's okay. This isn't an attack or... it's not. It was just a whole heap of crap that's been building up for awhile and I guess I just hit the escape valve. I'm just sleep deprived, stressed, over caffeinated and ..." "You?" He scoffed, "Yeah, just me I guess." "Are you ready to go home?" she asked, removing her hand from under his. "Home? Donna it's the middle of the afternoon. The last place I'm going is home," he replied sitting up. "The *only* place you are going is home. Leo's orders and no, before you get all worked up again he's not pissed with you, just worried," she replied. "I can't just go home every time I... whatever it is that I just did," he offered. "Your body is telling you to take a little break here and let it catch up. Have you got your car keys?" she asked as she stood, offering a hand to help him up. He took it and stood, patting down his pockets before fishing into one and removing his keys. "Good," she replied. "Go home. I'm going to go and reschedule anything left for the day. I think they were all internal meetings so they can wait. I'll shut your office down and get your backpack for you. Go home; take a shower and collapse on the couch. I'll call by when I've got everything done here. Now go!" "Donna, I..." "Come on Josh, just go home," she smiled and gave him a little push. "It's okay, really." "Promise me you'll make sure you take your cell with you everywhere?" he asked sincerely. "I promise Josh. I'll even get a pager. Would that make you feel more comfortable?" she asked. "I'll get you a pager. Hell, I'm beginning to sound like my Mother aren't I?" he huffed. "It's okay Josh, I happen to like your Mother. Now..." "Go home?" "Yes." "You'll..." "Yes, I'll let Leo know you've gone home." "Thank you. You'll not be far behind? It won't take too long to reschedule my appointments?" "My phone should be charged now Josh. If you need me, call. Okay?" "Thank you." "Stop saying that and go!" she laughed. He bent forward and kissed her purposely on the forehead. "Thank you," he whispered, stepping back. "You're welcome."
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